How Smart Do Your Readers Have to Be?

When I was a student journalist at McKean High School in Hockessin, Delaware, I was thrilled to be learning the tricks of the trade.  I was eager to study style guides and practice inverted pyramids for the opportunity to write for a living – and to follow in the footsteps of Woodward and Bernstein.

The first disappointment of my journalistic career came when our teacher served up this golden rule: Newspapers must be written for the sixth to eighth grade reading level.  For gosh sake, I was a high school junior at the time and the last thing I wanted to do was write below my own level!  It was unimaginable to me that the average reader could be as dull as the nose pickers at the junior high two miles away.

I was all arrogance and disbelief until I realized I’d be writing for people like my dad.  Raised in a poor family and forced to quit school in seventh grade to help pay the bills, he struggled with reading for most of his life.

From that point on, I relished my role – writing simply so others could simply understand.  Today, as Managing Editor of Microsoft IT, I’m still passionate about readability. I believe we are obliged to respect our readers by writing clearly for them.

So how smart do your readers have to be in order to understand you?  Do you make them work to comprehend your message?  Do you risk their displeasure at your tortured sentence structure?  Worse, do you risk them ignoring what you write?

Back in high school, we pretty much guessed at what the eighth grade level sounded like.  We were instructed to write simple sentences.  We learned not to use $15 words when a $.50 word would do just fine.   We were reminded that Shakespeare wrote for the masses – and that he was very popular, indeed.

Sold yet?  How about if I offer you an easy-to-use tool that will help you analyze how readable your writing really is?  Great!  Just follow these instructions:

  1. Click the Microsoft Office Button in Word, and then click Word Options.
  2. Click Proofing.
  3. Make sure Check grammar with spelling is selected.
  4. Under When correcting grammar in Word, select the Show readability statistics check box.

 

When I ran the readability check on this entry, it scored at a 7.4 grade level.

To learn more about Word’s readability scores, go to Microsoft online.

For a contrarian view on readability, read Tim Porter’s blog entry about the role of readability in newspapers’ demise in the age of digital media.

 

PS — I am proud to say that by the time my father was in middle age, he had become a very good reader and earned his GED with my mother’s unwavering support and encouragement.

 

Medical Employee Training Video Script

Video Script Sample                        

 

VIDEO

AUDIO

Full screen hospital logo


Soft music up full for :10

Location: Tom Hansen’s office

 

Hansen standing or leaning at front of desk, medium front face camera angle

 

Title font: Dr. Tom Hansen, President & CEO

 

 


 

i believe that the work you and I do here each day is incredibly important. whether you are support staff or a surgeon, you’re engaged in the Art and science of improving the health and wellbeing of our region’s children.

 

you can see the science at work everywhere — from the monitors in our pediatric ICU to the menus put together by our nutritionists.

Change camera angles here – from medium to tight or from straight on to turned slightly to camera at right or left

 

 

 

 

 

Lower or left-side screen font:

Accountability

Respect

Trust

the art in what we do may not be as obvious. it’s the comfort and kindness we give, our patience and empathy, the consideration and support we give one another – YEt it is vital to our success.

 

it is important for you to be art-ful in your behavior everyday – to bring accountability, respect, and teamwork to your work and help make this the best children’s hospital!

thank you.

LOGO: Act from the Heart

 

Font: Children’s Service Standards

music up full for :05

Location: Art room at Children’s

 

Dissolve to shot of kids’ artwork on the walls or an easel with a painting in the works

 

 

 

Pan over to HOST on camera, who is looking at the artwork and then turns toward camera

 

 

Add line by line text on screen:

ART

  • Accountability
  • Respect
  • Teamwork

very original, isn’t it? perhaps jake’s masterpieces will hang in the seattle art museum one day!

art – like jake’s purple puppy and flying boats – exresses who we are and what we care about. it shows us doing our best.

we’re going to work on a kind of “art project” together today – children’s service standards, called art for

accountAbility, respect, and teamwork.

Employee #1 on camera (greeter)

Accountability means that if I don’t know how to help you, I’ll find someone right away who does.

Employee #2 on camera (physician)

I show respect by acknowledging that a parent is an expert about their child’s uniqueness

Employee #3 on camera (nurse)

When I listen to you and share information with you, our teamwork makes your experience better.

HOST on camera

art-ful behavior is like the pigment in an artist’s paints; it’s the basis for our masterpiece, which is excellent service for every individual and family – in every kind of work we do here. We practice accountability.

Large font, full screen:

 

ACCOUNTABILITY

 

Location: patient room, pre-schooled and parent are joined by food service worker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

FSW: OK, today we are pleased to serve you a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, apples, broccoli, pudding –

 

Parent (interrupts): Excuse me. Did you say peanut butter? Sam doesn’t really like that. There must have been a mix-up.

 

FSW: I apologize for the misunderstanding. I can get you something else. What would you like? (hands parent an order slip)

 

Child: Can I have ravioli?

 

FSW: We have that today! Let me deliver one more hot lunch, and then I’ll get this order right in. I should be back in about 20 minutes with some delicious ravioli! How about munching on this broccoli while I’m gone? Is there anything else I can get for you?


 

HOST on camera


 

Whether you’re serving lunch or doing surgery, everything you do here at children’s is important. and it’s important to be accountable in every interaction.

 

  • I address your concerns as soon as I become aware of them.
  • I apologize for any inconvenience and establish my intent to help you.
  • I avoid defensive responses and don’t take complaints personally.

 

 

Remove fonts and add these line by line:

  • I identify and seize opportunities to be excellent, not just good, in all my interactions with you.
  • I take initiative to resolve the issue.

 

 

Remove fonts and add these line by line:

  • I provide excellent care and superior service by being responsive to your needs.
  • I end the interaction by asking if there is anything else I can do.

Host voice over:

As soon as we know about a concern, we apologize and acknowledge what went wrong without being defensive.

 

We take the initiative to fix the problem.

 

 

We ask how else we can help — and we listen to the answer!

HOST on camera

accountability isn’t always easy – but it is vital. we have to get the job done and do it well. there are other people depending on us.

Location: Office cubicles.

Karl logs on to his computer. Manager (Paula) knocks on cubicle wall.

 

 

Knocks on cubicle wall

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Knocks on cubicle wall.

Paula: Karl, I need you to get the phones again today – Erica’s going to an all-day training session.

Karl: No problem, happy to help out.

Paula: Thanks. (leaves)

—————

Paula: Say Karl…

Karl: Yes?

Paula: I need your help with the analysis reports. Here are Erica’s files. (Hands Karl a huge stack of file folders)

Karl: Whew! Ok, I will work this in.

Paula: Thanks. This is really top priority.

Karl: OK. I’ll get this to you this afternoon.

Paula: Great! (leaves)

————-

Karl: (looks worried) Yes?

Paula: I wanted you to know I really appreciate your helping out. You’ve done a great job covering while we’re short-handed, and you are doing a great service not only for me but also for the organization. Thank you.

Karl: Thanks!

 

Full-screen font, add line by line:

  • I choose to have a positive attitude.
  • I recognize my job is vital to the mission of Children’s Hospital.
  • I understand that you depend on me.

 

Host voice over: Karl demonstrated art-full behavior in action. He had a positive attitude and pitched in for the good of the organization because he recognized that others were depending on him to get the job done. Nice job, Karl! Here’s Karl in action later that day.

Large font, full screen:

 

RESPECT

 

Location: Hallway

Adult man looking lost. Karl is approaching from other direction

Karl: Hi, there. Can I help you find something?

Man: I wish you would. I can’t find this place.

Karl: That’s the orthopedic clinic. I can show you the way. I’m Karl, from Accounting. How are you today? See, its right over here? There you go.

Full-screen font, add line by line:

  • I offer to help and assist you in getting to your destination.
  • I greet you when you approach.
  • I introduce myself by name and title.
  • I explain what I’m doing and follow through.

Host voice over: Karl showed respect by offering to help and showing the way to the man/woman’s destination. He also introduced himself and explained how he was going to help.

Location: billing office

 

Russian woman is trying to speak to staff person.

Staff: Good afternoon. This is Janice Peterson. How can I help you today?

 

Woman with heavy accent: This is no right. (something in Russian) You fix it? (more in Russian and hands a paper to Janice)

 

Staff: I want to help you (reads from paper) Mrs. Bogolubov. Are you speaking Russian? Yes? May I arrange for an interpreter to help us with this later today or tomorrow? Yes? OK.

HOST on camera


 

Sometimes, as we just saw, showing respect is being considerate — treating others as we would like to be treated.

Full screen font, add line by line:

  • I listen to your perspective and honor your culture. I respect the diversity of all individuals.
  • I use an interpreter when appropriate.

Host voice over: In this case, that meant being respectful of another culture and providing an interpreter when needed.

HOST on camera

And then there are times when respect means upholding the laws regarding privacy and confidentiality.

Inside elevator, a surgeon and surgical resident chatting, alone

 

 

Elevator door opens and lab-coated technician walks on

Surgeon: Great job in there. Your surgical skills are top notch.

Resident: Thanks. That was quite a case, wasn’t it?

Surgeon: Well, a 12-year-old boy with intestinal lesions like that, it’s tough. And the symptoms are recurring so often he’ll likely need more invasive work since he was just in here…

Resident: (coughs) Hold that thought. We really should talk about this back at your office.

Technician: Thanks, gentlemen. I was just about to say “TMI: too much information!”

(They all laugh)

Surgeon: You’re right. Of course. (ahem)

Full-screen font, add line by line:

 

  • I protect your privacy, confidentiality, and space. I am responsible for keeping your information confidential.
  • I never discuss your personal information in the elevator, lunchroom, or other public places.

Host voice over: Respecting privacy is an essential standard of service. It means protecting our patients’ information and never discussing it in a public place.

Large font, full screen:

TEAMWORK

 

HOST on camera

 

 

 

 


 

Teams thrive and do their best by communicating and collaborating.

just as each child in our care is not a single isolated INDIVIDUAL; the team is not limited to those who work here. the team includes – and considers – our patients and their families too.

Teen patient in his room, talking to care team member


 

Alec: Man, it’s just creepy having all those people in here checking me out. It’s not like I’m the Elephant Man or whatever. It’s like, you know, next thing are they going to start selling tickets?

 

Care Team: (chuckles) How much do you think we could get for a ticket?

 

Alec: (laughs)

 

Care Team: No, really. All kidding aside. Thanks for telling me about this. We do tend to move from room to room in groups; it’s called doing rounds. How can I make this work for you though? I might be able to give you a 5-minute warning. While we’re at it, should I have them sneak in those Doritos you’ve been wanting? (winks)

 

Alec: That would be cool. (pleased, and then teasingly disappointed) You were just kidding about the Doritos, weren’t you?

 

Care Team: Doritos, no. Privacy, yes. I’ll let the team know.

Full screen font, add line by line:

  • I encourage your questions and involvement.
  • I use and explain standard approaches to provide you with a consistent experience.
  • I help create honest and open opportunities for discussion.

Host voice over: This patient isn’t getting his Doritos, but his questions and ideas are welcome. He’s informed about standard practices. And communication with him is open and honest.

 

Let’s see how the care team worked together to handle the request.

Location: Care team meeting room

 

Four care team members sitting around table


 

CT1: Alec told me earlier that he’s a little uncomfortable during rounds when the whole group goes into his room. I was thinking it would help if we could give him a bit of warning before we descend on him….

CT2: Hmm, we do all need to be in there at once so we all know what’s going on…

CT4: But it shouldn’t be a problem to give him a heads up before we show up.

CT1: Great! I’ll let Alec know. I think that’ll put him more at ease.

CT3: If we go ahead with this, I’ll put it in his chart so everyone will be aware.

CT1: Thanks.

Full screen font: add line by line:

  • I work together with the team to achieve the best possible outcome.
  • I collaborate with you to develop a plan of care or course of action, including expected outcomes.

Host voice over: Teamwork helped resolve the issue. The team worked together for the best result!

HOST on camera

WHETHER OUR JOBS ARE IN FINANCE OR FOOD SERVICE, INFORMATION SYSTEMS OR ICU, ADMINISTRATION OR ACUTE CARE, WE’RE ALL ARTISTS WORKING ON THE SAME GREAT MASTERPIECE — QUALITY SERVICE.

WHEN YOU PAINT EACH DAY WITH ACCOUNTABILITY, RESPECT, AND TEAMWORK, YOU PAINT A LIFETIME OF CARING AND QUALITY AT THE BEST CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL – RIGHT HERE IN SEATTLE!

Toastmaster’s Speech 3: River and Canyon

A sample of my personal speechwriting

When I told a friend that I’d be talking today about our trip down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon four years ago, she laughed and said, “So, you’re going to try to put the indescribable into words.” I nodded my head and smiled, acknowledging a concern I’d already had, and knowing that I simply have to give it a go. I’d like to persuade you to consider taking the journey yourself.

Nine people. Nine horizontal layers of rock striping the canyon walls with color. And nine days spent watching those towering walls as we alternately eased along the river and crashed through the rapids.

During the still, quiet times on the river our group learned the melodic names for each of the ancient rock layers. Bob, the guide on our 33-foot motorized raft, had been doing this for 25 years and wasn’t about to let us by without learning about the river and canyon he held so dear. So we listened as he gave us a memory device: “Know The Canyon’s History. Study Rocks Made By Time.” And we dutifully tried to recall the rock layer names from top to bottom: Kuy-bob, Torroweap, Cocinino, Hermit Shale, Sue-pie, Redwall, Moo-Ahv, Bright Angel Shale, and Tapeats.

We took to Bob like just-hatched ducklings imprinting on an Eagle. We were far outside our element as we traveled the more than 200 miles of our river journey. And with each mile we were more grateful to have a guide who had lived on the river for half of every year for a quarter century.

We relaxed because we trusted Bob. And each morning we were as excited as children because we knew he had secrets and treasures to share.

Bob saturated us with well-told stories about the river and the rocks, the people who had explored and lived here centuries before, and the politics and progress that now threaten the river. He told us jokes and taught us river songs. And he led us on hikes through side canyons as beautiful and rare as a glittering kaleidoscope of precious stones. And just as importantly, he was the guy who put the portal-potty downwind of our campsites and out of view each night when we made land!

One of the side canyons we visited held the Little Colorado River, and on the day we were there it was a milky turquoise. Bob encouraged us to ride the little river with our life vests strapped to our rears. We rode down the river dozens of times screaming in delight. At one set of rapids, I got my foot stuck underneath me and it scraped the rocks. A smile of happy reverie crosses my face every time I glimpse the scar the ride branded onto my right instep.

And I’ll tell you, placement of a porta-potty seemed like a no-brainer until we came upon a group whose inexperienced guide failed miserably in the job. We had come around a bend in the river and saw a group that had already put in for the night. They were socializing and setting up camp and waiting for their dinner to be made. Typical stuff. Then, just past the group was a little canvas closet of sorts with one side open to a view of the river. In it sat the most prim looking woman, wide-brimmed straw hat on her head, pants around her ankles — and the startled look of a trapped doe on her face as she realized that her river view also afforded river rats like us a full view of her constitutional. We figured she’d be constipated for weeks after, so as we eased away from her down the river, we serenaded her with one of our newly learned river songs. She was stunned into silence by the experience, but our laughter roared down the river and left us rolling around the boat in stitches.

Every day of our journey was full of contrasting moments that created a balance that seems lacking in the day-in-and-day-out of our normal lives. Every day we enjoyed the gift of solitude and stood up to the responsibilities of a communal life. Every day, we raged through a rapid and sat quietly on a sandy beach. Every day, we saw big horned sheep butting heads and tiny lizards doing pushups in the shade. Every day, we heard a story and told a story. Every day, we witnessed the towering stillness of the sharp canyon walls and fluttered our fingers along the surface of a ceaseless river surging with life. Every day, we learned about the deep and nearly unfathomable past and took a moment to contemplate our brief lives. And every day we laughed out loud and bowed our heads in silent prayers of gratitude.

Yes, the journey and the place still seem indescribable to me. I feel that words cannot do it justice, but I hope that by sharing a bit of my journey I’ve inspired you to find your river — and ride it well.

# # #

I HEART Antonyms!

Synonyms get all the glory. They are always listed in the dictionary next to the words they match. They get most of the real estate in all the thesauri. Antonyms, on the other hand, usually don’t get much mention.

What is up with the second-class status of antonyms? I think antonyms are fun. Weren’t opposites one of the first things we learned about as young children? Up, down. In, out. Black, white. Cat, dog. Boat, car. Ball, bat.

The lack of antonym visibility may go right to the core of being an opposite. To paraphrase Kermit, it’s not easy being opposite. An opposite is by definition that which is totally different: different from or contrary to something or each other in every respect. Under that definition, the opposites we learned as kids may not be opposites at all. Is a dog really the opposite of a cat? No, since they are both furry mammals, right?

A Wikipedia contributor touches on the problem that may be behind the lack of antonym references with this explanation, “Not all words have an opposite. Some words are non-opposable. For example, the word platypus has no word that stands in opposition to it (hence, the unanswerability of What is the opposite of platypus?).”

True, but since when is every synonym listed in a dictionary or thesaurus identical in meaning? The definition of synonym allows for identical or similar. It makes our language rich and wonderful to have nuances of meaning. Let’s loosen up on the definition of antonym, or at least of opposite.

Having antonyms listed in dictionaries and thesauri would support my personal goal of being more expressive and accurate in my use of language—and in giving others the tools to do so too.

As I get older–I mean smarter–and try to cram more information into the limited space of my small skull I always want resources online and at my fingertips. I want a ready resource when, for example, I am looking for the opposite of recommend. It turns out that it is not easy to find an antonym for that word. Some of my Microsoft colleagues are trying to create their own words to express the opposite of recommend. So far disrecommend is very popular, while there was a lone voice asking recently for a discommendation.

Although they’ve tried to create new words, a taboo among language purists, those folks aren’t entirely off base. We were taught as innocent, eager students that adding dis , des, in, or un could magically turn a word into its opposite. Mount, dismount. Respect, disrespect. Certain, uncertain.

Looking for a single word antonym can be tough. The Encarta Dictionary was one of the few online resources that did justice to antonyms, but alas, it is no more. A close substitute can be found at the Antonym tab in Synonym-Finder.com, but even that site name speaks to the issue I’m raising.  Other online resources, such as dictionary.com and m-w.com, don’t bother with antonyms for most words.

With so few reliable antonym dictionaries out there, what’s a writer to do? We could express the opposite by using more than one word. The opposite of recommend then could be recommend against. But will people use that in common everyday language? Will they use it in the fast communication channel of e-mail or chat?

One editor at Microsoft, Mike Pope, thinks not. He says people are using disrecommend because it makes sense to them in the context of their conversations. He believes we should support them in their use of that term and adopt the laissez-faire attitude expressed by Erin McKean in her Powell’s Books blog. “Some people have the idea that if a word isn’t in the dictionary, they can’t use it. This is not a rule any lexicographer ever came up with (think about it — if this were true, we’d all be out of jobs right quick) and luckily not a rule that most people follow. If a word you want to use isn’t in the dictionary (and you’re sure you haven’t just misspelled it — hey, don’t worry, it happens to everyone), go ahead and use it! That’s the best way to get it in the next edition, and then everyone’s happy.”

I can hear many of my editor friends out there gagging and hitting the floor in a dead faint. That’s my impulse too, but I am completely dissatisfied with the antonyms for recommend.

Will I slip to the dark side and allow a non-word to come into common usage? Stay tuned as I decide whether to be a language superhero today or just one of the kids. What would you do??

Neyers Vineyards Article, 1999

I’m having fun digging into the attic of my writing samples these days, and sharing with you. Enjoy!

Neyers Vineyards article for Blue Hen Messenger (alumni publication)    

by Suzi Beerman, August, 1999

A series of simple gestures make up the act of drinking wine—uncorking the bottle, pouring the wine, lifting the glass to your lips, and taking a sip. But in the moment the wine touches your tongue, the drink’s true complexity can reveal itself to you. “Doesn’t this syrah taste of blackberries and licorice?” “Can you smell the ripe apples and honey in this chardonnay?” The journey from grapevine and sunshine to the pale gold or deep plum elixir in your glass took years, and perhaps a bit of sweat and tears.

The friendly, hardworking owners of Neyers Vineyards in Napa Valley, California have firsthand knowledge of the years, dedication, and patience that go into making fine wine. For Bruce (UD ’69) and Barbara Staulcup (UD ’68) Neyers, the journey from growing up in Delaware to growing grapes in Napa has been a series of small, meaningful steps. In the three decades since Bruce graduated with a chemistry degree and Barbara graduated with a major in elementary education from the University of Delaware, two things have remained constant. Foremost, the high school sweethearts from Mount Pleasant High School in Wilmington, Delaware have shared their romance and partnership. The other constant has been their appreciation for the flavors and textures of the world’s fine wines.

Bruce credits his father-in-law, Harry Staulcup with launching his wine appreciation. “Barbara’s dad was a career Air Force pilot,” Bruce notes. “He traveled the world and brought back great wines.” Bruce’s own stint in the military broadened his exposure to wine and eventually to the wine business when he was assigned to a base near San Francisco. In 1970, Bruce and a fellow officer began working together at a wine import business in San Francisco.

With the Neyerses’ proximity to Napa Valley, their appreciation of fine wines, and his background in chemistry, Bruce and Barbara were soon picking grapes and learning to make wine. In 1971, Bruce took a job as wine maker at Mayacamas Vineyards and had formal enology training at University of California Davis. At that time there were just 15 wineries in Napa Valley. Today the Napa Valley Vintners Association has 150 members.

In Napa Valley, success is often tied to two key industries—wine and food. While Bruce was earning his wine credentials, Barbara began breaking new ground in the restaurant industry. Bruce’s skills in the wine business were refined during 15 years with Joseph Phelps whom Bruce calls his “big brother, father, and business mentor.” By 1978, Barbara was working at Chez Panisse in Berkeley with Alice

Waters, a local icon credited with pioneering California’s Mediterranean-inspired natural cuisine.

Neyers Vineyards began in 1992 with a total production of just 300 cases. Today, Bruce and Barbara make 20,000 cases of wine annually while raising their three children and maintaining outside jobs. Barbara is a restaurant industry consultant and Bruce is a full-time French wine distributor with Kermit Lynch importers. Still, the Neyerses manage to have a hands-on family business approach to making wine. “I’ve done just about everything except actually make the wine, including washing the barrels,” Barbara notes. “Mostly I handle administration now, but I’ve done field samples, cooked meals for the harvest crews, ordered the bottles, and helped with bottling too.”

Neyers Vineyards’ award winning syrah, merlot, chardonnay, zinfandel, and cabernet sauvignon are made at an outside processing facility with the help of their partner and acclaimed wine maker, Ehren Jordan. Jordan is also known for the spectacular wines he produces for Turley Wine Cellars in Napa Valley. The wine aficionados’ bible, Wine Spectator, seems charmed by Neyers Vineyards’ syrah and chardonnay, consistently awarding them scores of 92 and 93 out of 100. The Spectator describes Neyers’ 1997 Chardonnay Carneros as “ripe and complex…elegant and creamy” and writes about the 1997 Syrah Napa Valley Hudson Vineyards with equal enthusiasm, calling it “dark, dense, and detailed with…enormous structure and density”.

Twenty-five percent of Neyers Vineyards’ grapes are picked from their own 50 acres in St. Helena, in the middle of Napa Valley. By 2002, Bruce and Barbara plan to open their own freestanding winery adjacent to the vineyards. “We’ve put a road in and dug a new well this year already,” Bruce reports. “By the end of 1999, we’ll begin construction on the winery.” When the winery opens, Neyers Vineyards will be open to the public for the first time. In the meantime, Bruce and Barbara might be coaxed into sharing the simple pleasure of a walk through their vineyard with former Blue Hens who find themselves in Napa Valley one weekend. (Neyers Vineyards wines are available in restaurants and shops around the world. To contact them, call 707-963-8840.)

# # #

Neyers Vineyards web site is http://www.neyersvineyards.com/aboutHistory.php